Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
