so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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