Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
home. puking in laundry basket.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
