She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is wine microwaveable?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
