i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
