she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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