if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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