she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
