Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
