In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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