his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
