So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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