If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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