Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
from now on my penis is your penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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