i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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