is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
