She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
