it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
