I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
