When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
