You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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