its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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