I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
