What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
