What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
