the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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