Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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