i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
