tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
