I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
where are my eyebrows?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
