I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
