I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
