I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
