he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
