why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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