As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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