Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just forgot I was standing up.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
