How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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