Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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