My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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