I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
