After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That accounts for only three of the penises
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
