I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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