What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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