Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
