the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
