i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I supernannyed him into submission
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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