does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
