Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
