My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
