This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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