Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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