my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
