He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
