He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
