Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize