that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
