There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
