Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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