I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
