I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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