Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
