did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
