Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My feet surprised me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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