if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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