i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
They took my balls.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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