Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Apparently you make a good broom.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
