Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize