May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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