Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
