Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
