My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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