Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and thereโs a CVS next to it
Randomize