i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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