You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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