I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
