Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
