there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
