I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
