I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
