I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
please come you make the beer taste better
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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