In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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