Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The air was thick with penises
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
