cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
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