Only a mothe r could love this liver
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
