I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
