Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
