i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
