Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
please come you make the beer taste better
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
