her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize