He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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