You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
